Boot Camp touches down in the land of fish and chips

Boot Camp for New Dads, sponsored by Dads Adventure, is expanding to England!

In April of 2005 Greg Bishop, founder of Boot Camp, was asked to speak at a national fatherhood conference in England about his experiences. Since that time Greg has worked with Fathers Direct (England’s national fatherhood organization) to bring Boot Camp to the UK.

In May both Greg and Chuck Ault (National Training Director for Boot Camp) traveled to Liverpool (home of the world’s greatest soccer team, sorry couldn’t resist) to oversee the first Hit the Ground Crawling workshops (a name which works better in England than “Boot Camp for New Dads”).

This workshop was special because all of the rookie dads were teenagers, who face much bigger hurdles to becoming dads. In Greg’s own words, it was “very gratifying for Chuck and I to see Boot Camp work so well in another country, and particularly with teen fathers. It was great to see Chuck in action as he conducted the training, and the response from the trainees was unanimous – ‘the best training they ever attended, we proved it works right before their eyes, and equipped them so they could go home and get it up and running.”

In fact, Boot Camp may be expanding into other countries in the next few years. And while this is certainly exciting for those of us who work for/with Boot Camp, the really great thing about it is that men around the world might get the experience that over 150,000 men in this country have had by seeing confident, capable, new fathers care for their children and pass on what they’ve learned to the next “generation” of dads-to-be.

A short video from the first class. (the sound isn’t great; sorry!)

Tiger Woods – Man After My Own Heart

Normally, I do my best to stay away from golf related news as I don’t find the game overly exciting (and in the interest of full-disclosure I should tell you that my first job was at a driving range which instilled in me a serious aversion to any game that uses a tiny ball and thousands of yards of playing space).

But I know enough about golf to understand what a big deal it is when Tiger Wood’s says he’ll miss the British Open if his wife happens to give birth the same week.

No doubt there are those in the sports media who will condemn Tiger for this decision since playing Golf tournaments is his job.

But it’s nice to see a guy who earns over $100 million a year make his family a priority over money and titles. Now sure, we might think it’s easier for him to do so since, hey, he’s not hurting for cash. But it seems that more often than not the ultra-successful actually do the opposite.

Well, Tiger has publicly said that “priorities” change and it’s good to know he understands that before the child is even here. He may be chasing a record (Jack Nicklaus’ career 18 grand slam titles), but he already knows the most important thing he will ever do is raise his children…and that makes him just like us.

What is Dad’s Most Important Job?

In years gone by your role as a father was mostly about providing for, or supporting financially, your family.

Over the past two decades, though, more and more research has shown that a father’s sustained involvement with his child has more impact on how that child will develop (and what type of person that child will become later in life) than anything else a father might do.

The reason I say sustained involvement is because spending three hours a month with your child simply isn’t sufficient. As a father, your relationship with your child should be one of the main priorities in your life. Granted, you have other responsibilities. Even with shifting cultural norms (for instance, the percentage of stay at home dads rising) dad is still likely to be the “bread winner” for a family. Even if you are the only income generator for your family, though, you need set aside time to be engaged with your child (overall, though, parents do spend more time with their children today then parents in 1965, but most father’s still admit that they would spend more time with their children if they could).

But being involved with your child shouldn’t be thought of as “work.” First of all, spending time with your child (even if it’s simply playing on the living room floor) is one of the most fun things you’ll ever do. Plus, I guarantee that whatever interests you have, sports, music, movies, whatever, your child will instinctively have as well (well, not a newborn, obviously, but just wait until he gets older). Don’t believe me? What team do you root for? I’m willing to bet it’s the same one as your own father.

And being an involved father doesn’t have to wait until your child is older, either. Sure, you can’t really take a six month old surfing. But you could take a six month old on a short trip to the beach to watch some surfing (provided your kid has on some sunscreen and a hat). By introducing your child, early on, to the things you love you’ll be setting a foundation on which the two of you can share experiences for years to come, and it’s those experiences that will enrich your child’s life more than just about anything else.

Paternity Leave

In 2004 California was the first state in the country to enact a “Paid Family Leave” act. While it is generally known that this law pays benefits to someone who must take time off work, for up to six weeks, to care for a seriously ill relative, it is not as widely known that it is also applicable to a parent who wants to spend time bonding with a new minor child (either through birth or adoption). The law does not differentiate between mothers and fathers so, if you meet the eligibility requirements (which can be found here), then you too can spend time bonding with your new child.

That’s all well and good if you live in California, but what about the rest of the country? Well, there is a Federal Family and Medical Leave Act. It won’t apply to everyone, and unlike in California it’s unpaid leave, so you won’t get compensation for lost wages, but it will allow you to take up to 12 weeks of leave and your employer must allow you to return to work once your leave is over

Of course, state laws regarding paternity leave vary but another resource is your employer. By making known your desire to spend time at home with your newborn early in the pregnancy, and working with you employer to find ways to achieve this leave, you might find your boss to be more accomodating than you imagined.

Sadly, it seems the US is a bit lacking in paternity leave legislation, as Australia now gives fathers the option of taking up to 12 months of leave. Although, Spain, Israel and England all have shorter paternity leave statues than the US.

Most importantly, though, is to take the initiative to find out exactly what you’re eligible for, what you can take, and what your employer is willing to give you. Those first few days and weeks with your baby are so important, and you’re not going to want to miss a single minute.

How expensive is a child?

The USDA estimates that the cost of raising a child (including college and factoring lost wages for a stay at home mom or dad) is somewhere in the vicinity of 1.6 million (with an M) dollars. And that’s US dollars, in case you were wondering.

The actual cost, is closer to 190,000 over 18 years. But that doesn’t include the college, or the lost “stay at home” wages.  Still, I don’t have an extra 200 G’s just laying around and I doubt you do.

It’s a scary proposition to consider, especially if you already live pay check to pay check. You might be tempted to hide in a corner, hoping that the problems will go away, but that wouldn’t be the dad thing to do.

Assuming you’re still in the expecting portion of parenthood, you have some time to get a handle on your financial situation.  You might even keep a budget already, if so, good for you. If not, now’s the time to start.  Seriously.  I’m not even kidding.

There is no way to calculate just how many “surprise” expenses are going to come your way once the baby is born.  But the quicker you know how much money is coming in and how much is going out (on things that are quantifiable, like say rent and utilities) the sooner you’ll know how much you’ll have for everything else.  Here’s a really basic budget calculator to get you started.

Ideally, you’d start considering the cost of having a child before you and your mate actually get pregnant.  But if you’re reading this, then that probably isn’t the case.  In fact, maybe your child is already here and you have no idea where all the money is going. Basically, you start at the same spot and track your expenses.  Pull out the last few months of every bill to get a good estimate of what each one costs.  Now prioritize.  Things like the electricity and water have to get paid, but that cable can go.

I know what you’re thinking; it’s only 30 dollars a month.  30 dollars isn’t an extravagant amount, but that same 30 dollars might buy you formula for the whole month.  Now I like wrestling as much as the next guy (probably less, actually) but if the choice is between feeding and clothing my daughter and watching guys in tights fly around a ring…well there really isn’t a choice to make.

And that’s the most basic thing about being a father.  You sacrifice so that you can give to your child. Really, in many ways, it isn’t like you’re sacrificing at all.  You might not have cable anymore, but you have a child, and no television program can compete with that.

Dad’s List for the Hospital

In the rush of getting your wife to the hospital it’s likely (that is, guaranteed) that you’ll forget something. So it’s important to prepare and do as much as possible beforehand. A good way to start is with some lists.

Prepare a list of items you want to bring to the hospital, and keep it with your bag to double check before you head out. Get ideas from the hospital staff and birthing classes or talk to someone who recently delivered. Beyond what mom and baby need veterans of Boot Camp for New Dads suggest:

• Change of clothes, toothbrush and shaving kit.
• Comfortable shoes, as you may do a lot of walking.
• Something to read to mom.
• Bathing suit for you – to help mom take a shower to ease labor pains.
• Something to eat and drink; power bars and juice are suggested. (anything that won’t be too nasty when you lose it during her labor – hey, it happens).
• Champagne – put your name on it and ask the nurse to store it in the refrigerator.
• Cash to have on hand.
• Folder with important documents – insurance cards, pre-admission forms, etc.
• Small boom box (or ipod with speakers, etc.) with her favorite music.
• Pen and pad of paper.
• Pain easing tools recommended at your birthing classes – balls to squeeze (because in the middle of labor you don’t want her to grab yours), hot or cold packs, a massager, etc.
• Address book/list of phone numbers to announce birth.
• Cell phone or calling card.

Check back often for more dad tips from Dads Adventure.

Introduction

If you’re reading this then you’re probably a soon to be, or brand new, dad. Of course, you might be a soon to be, or brand new, mom looking to for some “help” for your partner.

That said, let me start off by saying congratulations!

You’ll find out very quickly that being a parent is unlike anything else you’ve experienced. It’s a little clichéd, maybe, but becoming a parent is really impossible to put into words. It can be rewarding and joyous, it can be difficult and trying. It can be all four in the same minute, in fact.

Fatherhood might seem a very intimidating thing for you. And in some ways, it is. But here at Dads Adventure we’re committed to helping you get the most out of being a father because every kid can benefit from his father’s love and involvement.

That’s all well and good, you might be thinking, but why should I trust you?

Good question. It just so happens that I myself am a fledgling father. I have an eight month old daughter, Isabella. And like most first time fathers I can’t let an opportunity to show her off pass by…

That’s her at about 1 minute old…

 

And here she is at seven months.

After my wife went back to work, right about when our daughter was three months old, I became a stay at home dad. For the next three months I was the primary care giver for my daughter (though at night I would alternately go to my grad. school classes or work part time). Even now I still spend three days a week caring for her on my own.

So needless to say, I feel I have a certain amount of expertise when it comes to dealing with/caring for an infant.

But the great thing about Dads Adventure is our connection with the non-profit organization Boot Camp for New Dads. The Boot Camp for New Dads seminars have been helping expectant fathers get ready for the job parenting for almost 20 years. Over 150,000 men have benefited from the Boot Camp experience and we’re committed to helping even more men in the years to come.

Welcome to fatherhood!

You Are Part Of A Renaissance In Fatherhood!

As you know, this is not your father’s fatherhood. What you may not appreciate is that due to the opportunities we have to be part of our children’s lives today, there has never been a better time to become a dad. And given how men who are becoming fathers are making the most of it, tomorrow will even be better.

As the founder of Boot Camp for New Dads, I have watched this transformation for almost two decades. It used to be rare to see a father holding his baby, let alone be out on his own with her. Now I see them all over the place, and with this, the notion of the father being a secondary parent or an assistant mom is on its way out.

One of the big changes is that we fathers are talking to each other about the challenges we face, and are getting answers we trust. We are in this together, sort of brothers-(with babies)-in-arms, and you may be interested in a few points the thousands of new dads that have come to our workshops to orient the rookie dads-to-be have stressed:

1. As men, we bring strength, practicality and creativity to being dads, along with unique parenting trait that add substantially to the richness and growth of the lives of our children.

2. In the months after the birth, your mate will form a whole new perspective of you as the father of her child. Use this window of opportunity to strengthen your relationship and it will pay off for a decade.

3. Trust your instincts. Most of what you need to know comes naturally. Comfort your baby, give him a bath, trust yourself, and in a week, you’ll start feeling like a natural.

If you have any particular questions about the challenges you face, ask us for answers. That’s why we are here.

Greg Bishop
Head Coach, Boot Camp for New Dads